It was bliss

You know it wasn’t always Chaos.

There was a time when our lives were absolutely perfect and I thought I had finally found a happily ever after.

It

Was

Bliss!

The harsh reality is we don’t live in fairy tales and sometimes endings are just sad. I guess that’s why it feels so important to acknowledge how we got here, as we move forward. Not everything was difficult, not everything was sad. There were moments filled with insane laughter and joy, there was passionate love and last minute adventures.

You were my best friend. You always had me 100 percent. You always had your children 100 percent of the time. Honestly you always had anyone you loved at 100 percent even if they only gave you 5. You were loyal. You put your neck out for men who made fun of you and called you names. You stood up for a man, giving up your one chance to finally fit in because it was the right thing to do. You may not have been perfect but I do believe you were a good man.

Your love was a fairytale unfolding and we never got through the thick of the plot to find our happily ever after. I hate that you aren’t here to write anymore chapters with, but I’m bravely rewriting the book. I am living in radical honesty. I’ve spent my entire life never really showing who I was because I was too scared to stand up for myself, but I’m growing. You gave me that gift. It turns out when I am 100 percent myself, people not only like me, but they love me with passion!

You gave me so much freedom in your tragic goodbye. The strength to say,

“No,

I’ve had enough,

I deserve respect,

I will not allow you to treat me that way.”

I know you would be so insanely proud of the woman I am emerging as. I am starting to want to live again. I’ve worn makeup and even painted my nails, I am finding the woman I thought I had lost along the way.

So yes it’s been an absolute nightmare,

Anxiety inducing madness,

But it’s also been little pockets of pure Bliss.